getting real. sorta.


my room is a mess
July 8, 2010, 6:28 am
Filed under: the woman growing down

DEAR MOM (AN OPEN LETTER), i have been living more than 3,000 miles away from home now for a few weeks. and my room is messy. surprising, i know, but true. my bathroom isn’t as bad, but my room is practically unlivable. please come remedy this situation asap. it would be much appreciated.

i shan’t go into too much detail, but there is a pile of empty shopping bags in the corner, dirty clothes strewn about the floor, my nice clothes all hanging over my footboard, wrappers from my granola bars sprinkled hither and thither; basically, flotsam and jetsam have invaded my room.

i know you think i should be able to keep my room clean, and i can. it’s only, it was never clean to begin with in the first place. it started out messy so i’ve not yet been able to keep it that way. i have been able to keep it rather messy though, so at least i’m able to manage the consistency part of “keeping one’s room clean.”

also, i need you to pay my tuition. and the rest of that ann taylor bill. i don’t know when i get paid next. but you and i both will be excited when it happens, i’m sure.

that reminds me, i need to set up direct diposit so i don’t have to go all the way around the navy base to deposit my check. however, there was a very cute teller there last time who was quite flirtatious, so maybe i don’t *need* to set up direct deposit….

also, i can’t go to the beach. i know i only live a mile away, but i can’t. simply can not.

why?

because i am physically unable to put sunscreen on my back. and i went out to the beach one time without donning enough spf, and one time is one time too many. so i will not do that again.

i need to find someway to get sunscreen on my back without resorting to asking the sketchy looking man parked on the park bench in front of the bathroom. i’m sure he’s very nice, but i’d just rather not have him lather.

i hope you aren’t missing me too terribly, although i don’t know how that is possible since i know (as do all the other parties involved) that i am by far your favorite daughter.

even though i am not getting married, pregnant, in college or playing in all stars little league, i need attention too.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME, MOTHER!

i fear you have forgotten you have five daughters and are satisfied with just your four.


i’m just saying, it wouldn’t hurt to call.


love,
your forlorn one

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