getting real. sorta.


dude. i’m totally famous now.
August 1, 2010, 8:30 am
Filed under: the woman growing down

I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN THIS HUMBLE POST with a shout-out to all the little folk who helped me get to where i am today. and i’m not just talking about those who are shorter in stature (here’s lookin at you, watkins). i’m talking about everyone who ever, um, yeah, i don’t really know who makes up the sect of little people one is supposed to thank when said one becomes famous, but i always hear the humble ones aren’t supposed to forget to do that, so i’m doing that now.

that’s right. i’ve made it. the big leagues. i’m famous now. know how i know? easy. i got recognized.

typically when one gets recognized it is because he or she has made an achievement to be proud of, an achievment that inspires, gets people’s attention, nay, demands people’s attention. and that’s what i’m doing here, not just with this singular post, but with this whole blog. i’m demanding attention. (hey, i’m the third of five girls. that’s all sorts of middle-child drama right there.)

i’ve made many accomplishments in my past, too many to count for you now, of course, but i’ll stir around the old memory some and relate a few minor ones to you in some detail, but not much, here. and now. after this enter.

achievement 1: (see? i told you i would)
my mother and father went out one day to get me a bicycle. i told them specifically i wanted a red one. whence they returned, they presented me with a purple one. i was not quite livid, but i was far from pleased. they cited their failure to deliver as i had asked to the fact that all the red bikes then saw were made for boys. i very defiantly — and not as eloquently — demanded “so?” they tried to tell me the bike seats (or saddles) were different for boys and girls. i did not understand how nor why this was so, in fact, i did not believe them at all and decided they just had it out for me. parents oft have it out for their 4-year-olds. yet, despite all these tragic obstacles, some feeling mountainous in form, i somehow managed to get on that bike and pedal. yes, i had finally joined that elite club of children known as “the big kids.” i could ride a bike.

of course, the training wheels helped some.

achievement 2:
plunging into the unknown is always a very scary thing. deep, dark holes always seem to lead to no good. but i did it. i dove right in. and i did it three times. simultaneously. putting one’s fingers into the mysterious holes of a bowling ball can be dangerous (i know we all saw that exposé on e.coli and its tendency to cluster in the depths of bowling-ball holes because apparently only people who go to bowling alleys don’t wash their hands after they use the restroom?) but i have lived to tell my tale. or type my tale rather. yes, you see ladies and gentlemen, no, just ladies, i don’t think any men actually read my blog, so we’ll stick with ladies, i went bowling. and not only did i survive the seemingly inevitable onslaught of e.coli and syphilis and tetanus and herpes and whatever else swarms bowlers’s fingers both old and young, but when i laced up those shoes with those laces that always seem 4 ties away from snapping, the real adventure began. i fearlessly crossed over to that center-meridian ball-returner thing, draped my fingers over the little air vent like bananas hanging from a banana hanger, and gently picked up the lightest ball there, placed my fingers in the really little holes, sparing only my index and pinky fingers, and took one, two, three steps and a slide of the back foot to cross over with a flourish to the other side, releasing the ball, sending it furiously down the lane straight toward those unsuspecting pins. needless to say i got a strike. needless mainly cuz i probably didn’t. but let’s just assume i did. even though it’s needless to say so. yeah, i rocked that lane.

of course, the bumpers were there for someone else and they got in the way of my ball’s path.

achievement 3:
um, one time, i put a lot of stuff i found in the kitchen into a bowl, mixed it up and my grandma talked my mom into letting me bake it. so she did. and when it came out of the oven i was so proud it looked like REAL food that i immediately took it outside and started dancing around with it, because really, what else does one do with kitchen concoctions? as i swung it up over my head to marvel at my own greatness, plop. it fell out of the bread pan in a huge spluckity mess on the grass. it killed the grass on contact. for the next year, i swear that yellow spot of dead grass never went away.

sorry grass.


of all those achievements which for you i have recounted in most exact detail, two are completely true. and one i just sorta pulled from my behind. it’s not the one you’re thinking it is.

but, do not let these awe-inspiring deeds deter your mind from what you set out reading this blog post to amass. remember, you want to know what i did that was sooooo much more grand than even those grand things to make me stand out form hundreds, no, thousands of others to get recognized.

i, colleen, got recognized.

yes. it is true. and not just at any ol’ place where they have three visitors every once in a while. this place has hundreds of people in and out of it every day. one of you probably even went to one today! yes, ladies and gent– wait, we dealt with this issue already in this post… yes, ladies, (actually, just dani, mom, maybe kelly or elisabeth (they’re the less attentive sisters), abi? (you don’t have a facebook so i don’t know how you would be reading these but i am specifically not swearing in them in the off chance that you do happen to stumble upon these gems), um, arla, natalie, brianne, uh, erinn?, um, kate, kim?, i think you all read a blog post here or there, you’ll feel really bad if you don’t read them now, now that i’ve mentioned you and you don’t even read it! uh, sarah, marlee, maybe christian once or twice out of pity, um, and that poor random soul that didn’t know what he or she was getting him- or herself into when he or she clicked that link bringing him or her here)…

yes, the generic you, i got recognized at a fast food drive thru. and not only did i get recognized, but i also got a free apple pie.

see, now this clearly can mean only one of two, or three, things:
1. the drive-thru guy is my soulmate and would recognize me anywhere
2. i get too many whopper jr.s
3. i get too many whopper jr.s and i go through the drive thru at 2:30 in the morning while talking to christian on speaker phone as i pay for my meal with my hand connected to the arm that has a very distinct tattoo of an adequate size in the nook of my elbow which would set me apart from others.

eh. whatever, i’m famous. only famous people get both recognized and free stuff. so, thank you, and don’t worry, i haven’t forgotten you “little people.”

i’ve reached an all-time high by reaching an all-time low.

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5 Comments so far
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For the record, I get this blog delivered to Google Reader, which means that 1) I’m pretty awesome (but I think we all knew that anyway, right?), and 2) I don’t miss a post.

Comment by Brianne

Hahaha Oh Colleen <3. I loved this post. Congrats on getting recognized. Also..i totally did read it so thanks for the shout out :) ;)

-Kim

Comment by Kim

Vaguely remember the “red bike” request, but do remember the purple bike. When did you go bowling last? When Abi was 3 and we used the bumpers but she got upset so we took them down. You cooked a concoction?!?! I remember making a whole lot of them, not surprised you baked a few either! I think you left out another accomplishment….driving (look out everyone!), at least you can use that accomplishment to get you recognized at BK as you drive through.

Comment by Mom

Yes, sad, but true, I am one of the less attentive sisters. It’s too exhausting to pay attention to all the details in our family, so i just, don’t. halarious blog- or as they say in cali- halar!

Comment by Kelly

this makes me hungry for a whopper jr.

Comment by arla




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